I have mentioned before that there is a group of friends I call the Birthday Girls. I first got to know them when my daughter Kay was about 3 years old. Some of the mums at the Kindergarten she attended, got together and we stayed in touch even when our children went to different infant schools at the age of 5. In the group are others whose children were not in the kindergarten, but who played tennis with some of the mums who were and so in the end the group consisted of about ten of us. We still meet (even though our children are in their thirties and have children of their own) near the time one of us has a birthday, hence the title Birthday Girls.
This week saw me go to the funeral of one them. Janet was in fact the grandmother of one of the Kindergarten children and became a member of the Birthday girl group, as she often took charge of the grandchildren, while her daughter Katie was working. Sadly 91-year-old Janet recently had a fall, caught pneumonia while in hospital and died. The funeral was well-attended - there must have been well over 150 people there. Many were friends Janet made when she played tennis all her life. In fact Janet's grand-daughter played tennis with Emma Raducanu in her teens and knows her well - a celebrity we have come to hear a lot about. There were even some Dutch people at the funeral who used to play tennis against Janet's team and had stayed in touch as life-long friends. One of the Dutch friends actually read the eulogy.
On thing I learned in the eulogy, was that Janet was presented as a young girl to Queen Elizabeth as a debutante. I was so surprised to hear that. I would have loved to know that fact when she was alive and talk to her about it. It got me thinking that we often don't truly know a person until they die and that these interesting nuggets about their life don't come out until their funeral.
15 comments:
Janet sounds like a great person to have known. It says a lot about someone when they make lifelong friends, and in that she reminds me of my Mum who at 82 still gets together with friends she's known since they met at kindergarden.
The debutante thing is so from a different age, isn't it! I can understand you would have loved to talk to her about it, to catch a glimpse of those very different times to ours, even though not all that long ago.
It just goes to show the value of taking an interest in others, taking the time to observe and remember and to be inquisitive when people are alive. I wonder if you think about it whether there were ever any clues that you may have missed. I am often in trouble for knowing things that others have missed. But they are things that are there for the taking if only people are alert to them. I happen to be one of those who is.
It is difficult sometimes to look at old people and imagine what they were like in their younger years. They make look crumpled and decaying, but could have such interesting younger lives.
I suppose I am always nervous to ask personal questions and hold back from doing so,
My dad spent his final days in a nursing home as a result of a couple of strokes, vascular dementia and, finally, lung cancer. He was also profoundly deaf so, as you may imagine, communication with the staff there was almost impossible. My sister arranged his funeral so that he was collected from the home and we all returned back there afterwards for tea. My sister and I had placed collages of photographs of my dad in the tea room, taken throughout his life - from his early days in National Service as a handsome young man, through his marriage to my mum and also documenting his time as an enthusiastic body builder. The nursing home staff were surprised to see him as a fit, strong and attractive person with an active life.
People do forget that the frail, wasted figure slowly dying in a corner is still a real person.
I guess that even with people we feel we've known a long time there's probably a lot we don't know...
I agree that often we learn things about people upon their death and obituaries that we wish we had known when they were alive. Our dentist was surprised by how much he had in common with my husband when he read my husband's obit. How cool your friend was introduced to the Queen.
I have noticed before that at funerals there are always nuggets of information that you have never heard before. Rachel is probably right to be inquisitive as people usually like to talk about themselves if you can be confident enough to ask.
I agree, you wouldn't know if they had been a fighter pilot or a spy or some high-ranking government official. Everybody has had an interesting past, but it depends at what point you see them, as to what you know about them.
That is so true, Dawn
I know! It is from a different era when there were such things as debutantes.
It certainly was an eye-opener.
I agree - we can find out surprising things at people's funerals and then it is too late to pursue those topics with them. Rest in peace Janet - game, set and match!
It will seem very strange at the next birthday girl meal (mine) when she won't be there to join us.
I'm sorry one of your number has travelled on to other realms. It will feel strange at your next gathering.
If only we could know the right questions to ask when someone is alive.
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