So much has happened since, either that he has missed himself or I have had to deal with. Just the general upkeep of the house and garden alone with major decisions to make on my own about what to get repaired or renovated and when, dealing with the finances and hiring tradesmen. Being able to discuss it with someone and share the problems made it so much easier when there was the two of us, although to be fair in his latter years he was so drunk, he left it all to me anyway.
He missed out on our daughter leaving school, going to university, graduating, becoming a doctor, getting married. I was the one supporting her, financing her, visiting her. I even got the job of doing the Father of the Bride speech at her wedding, something I am sure he would have been so much better at than me.
As an international news journalist, he has missed out on all the major events of the last 16 years from his beloved Liberal party finally getting back in to the government, when they went into Coalition with the Conservatives in 2010, the shenanigans in the various UK governments since then, Brexit, Covid, Trump, Putin, Ukraine, Gaza and much much more.
I have no brothers or sisters or even cousins. Kay is effectively the only family I have now and, of course, she has recently married and has her own very busy life to lead with many demands on her job and exams and little time to socialise. All of which means that I now have to find things to fill my world with. I long to go on holiday somewhere, anywhere, but don't have the courage to go on my own and can't expect Kay to give up her precious annual leave to go away with me, when she has a dashing young husband to go away with instead. Little did I know when Greg died, that I would make it through sixteen years, but somehow I have and will carry on doing so, so long as I have strength. It is not easy being a widow and I don't think a lot of married couples give it much thought. Apart from the lonely evenings spent watching far too much television without a soul to speak to, there is the constant decision-making about what to do in the house or garden, the prospect of not holidaying again and just the sheer loneliness. I try to combat that by volunteering with charities like the local foodbank or the local park, gym classes and choir, but it is the evenings and weekends that are the worst, as well as coming home to an empty house. Many friends have commented that they don't know how I can have so many things to do, as they wouldn't have the energy to keep up with them, but the alternative is to stay indoors and become a recluse. Something I am determined not to be.
