01 August 2020

Flap, flap, flap

Wood Duck Jump Taken Minnesota Under Stock Photo (Edit Now) 1056811352

Forgive me if my post is a little sad today, but today marks the end of an era. The picture above may give you a clue. My one and only chick, Kay,  has left the nest for good. 

It is true I have been used to living on my own for the last 10 years ever since Greg died. Kay was away in her first year of university then, but I always knew she'd be home in the vacations. Then when she qualified as a doctor she was away for two years gaining experience in hospitals far from home, but again, I always knew she'd pop home in her spare time.  For the last two years, I was truly blessed to have her living back home with me again, as she commuted to a hospital an hour's drive from here. It suited her too, as she was saving up money to buy a property of her own some day. Meanwhile I liked having her young company around and someone to fuss over and cook for.

Today she has moved out for good. I am excited for her as she moves in with her boyfriend of over four years. They are happy together and well-suited. I like him very much. She deserves so much happiness after the hand fate dealt her with her father. The last ten years have been an emotional struggle for her, having lost her father to alcoholism, but to her credit, she rode the peaks and troughs of the emotional rollercoaster and came out an exceedingly competent doctor. She could have so easily gone off the rails and I take my hat off to her for doing so well. How then could I deny her the chance to be happy with a dashing young man who adores her? I know I have been so lucky to have had her living on and off with me for 29 years. 

We have known this day would come. Back in March, she and I planned to have the last few months of her being at home to do all sorts of quality mother-and daughter things. We planned outings to special places;  I  would teach her to sew on the sewing machine;  we would clear out long-neglected cupboards together; she would teach me the basics of spotify and satnav. Covid saw fit to ruin that. She temporarily moved out of the house to protect me from catching Covid, as she was working on the front line in Intensive Care. Thirteen weeks later, as the pandemic seemed to subside, she moved back to me again considerably shell-shocked from the things she had witnessed, with only a few weeks left before she finally moved out. We both feel very sad that we shall never get that time back. I know other people have gone through far worse with cancelled weddings or the death of loved ones and we do try to put that into perspective. 

Today, however, is a milestone. End of an era. As she embarks on the next phase of her life, I embark on mine. Alone, in the knowledge she will only now be back as a visiting guest. Normally to get myself out of the doldrums,  I would have immersed myself in visits to friends or any of my hobbies, but with Covid all those outlets are denied me, as either I am on the vulnerable list or things such as choir practice are not open again yet. So life will be a lot quieter for me. I am sure I shall survive. I usually do, but forgive me a tiny bit of wistfulness today of all days.


JayCee said...

I am sad for you, but pleased to hear that your daughter's life is turning out so well after the troubled times in the past.

Linda said...

I wish you peace as you grieve the loss of what was. I remember it well and how I walked around with a hole in me heart. It actually felt like a constant stomach ache until it didn't any more.

Here's to the next phase of your life. I wish you a rich time filled with love and good friendships. Take care of yourself.

Elizabeth said...

Yes wistfulness, such a good word. What a blessing you have had, and have still.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I understand your wistfulness. Your relationship with Kay is a very special one. Only Kay can truly share in your understanding of what Greg's self-destruction really meant. I hope that she and her man are not living too far away. She will always be there for you ADDY.

Flowerpot said...

Of course you feel wistful, but I'm sure you will see a lot of her as you are so close. How far away is she? Be thinking of you in the next phase of your life. I miss choir too but we've been having it by Zoom and email though a break for there summer and our MD will decide what to do next..... Take care Addy X

the veg artist said...

Sad, but the pride you must feel in raising her despite everything.