07 March 2016

A Day of Mixed Emotions

T'was a day of mixed emotions yesterday. Sunday was the sixth anniversary of Greg's death. Six years! Felt a little maudlin and had the need to go to the crematorium to lay flowers in the chapel. Funny how this grief malarky works. When he died, I was so relieved I did not have to go through one more chaotic day of the alcoholic merry-go-round, but with passing time, my thoughts have mellowed and I miss him. I miss the newly-married version of him and the middle-age version, but not the last five years of his life alcoholic one obviously. It was not helped by de-cluttering the "study" last week and finding all sorts of things with his handwriting - cards and messages to me, stories he'd written.

After my solitary visit to the crematorium chapel, I went on to collect my mother to celebrate Mothers' Day. We spent a lovely day together. Kay was working on-call this weekend, so couldn't come to see me, but we had had a lovely week together the week before, so I couldn't be greedy.

Spent the evening watching The Night Manager and feasting my eyes on the lovely Tom Hiddleston. I had not managed to see the Night Manager before now, so spent three hours watching back-to-back episodes on i-player and was definitely hooked.  Not sure whether it was the plot that grabbed me or the eye candy! Have to wait a whole week now for the next episode.


DD's Diary said...

Isn't the Night Manager brilliant? I watched it in one great chunk, like you, and am now champing for the next one. I'm definitely voting for Tom Hiddleston as the next Bond!

nappy valley girl said...

I'm hooked on the Night Manager too (or The Line Manager, as my father in law keeps calling it).

I'm glad you got to mark the day nicely.

Maggie May said...

I can relate to the unexpected grief and the relief from the suffering when they die but then missing the person that used to be. Its only six months and this is what I'm experiencing now. I suppose we just have to go along with it and let it come as it pleases.

I haven't started to watch The Night Manager. However, I'm hooked on Happy Valley and shed tears over the drama One Child!
Maggie x

auntiegwen said...

Sending love, it can understand the missing of the 'old him' I miss my old mum, the one without dementia
X we are also really enjoying the night manager, would recommend Trapped on BBC 4 too,

Furtheron said...

I'm loving the night manager but the females in the house "can't get into it" - so your obsession is definitely plot related and clearly due to your superior intellect... ;-)

I didn't see the plot twist this week revealed in the Monaco meeting. Did you see that one coming?

Furtheron said...

Oh yes I obviously should have said I can't believe it is 6 years. I remember reading some of your stuff about Greg and others struggling with alcoholics when I was relatively young in sobriety. It taught me so much about what the disease when active does to those around the person in the middle of it.

Flowerpot said...

6 years, that's amazing, Addy. I feel like that about Pip, missing the good bits and not the bad, so I know just what you mean. I am loving the Night Manager, too. What a brilliant plot an d characters and everything. We're hoooked!

Flowerpot said...

sorry that should be hooked!

Rab said...

I can't believe 6 years have passed already Addy. I can still remember your prior posts clearly. Glad that the memories that are surfacing are the ones from happier times and hope that is the way it remains.

All the best


Trisha E. said...

March 10 was the second anniversary of my husband's death from alcoholism, and my feeling were much like yours. It was a dreary damp day with a few rays of sunshine now and then as spring tries to arrive. I am lucky to be able to visit his memorial spot every morning. We have a wooded lot on Grand traverse Bay and already had a lovely pet cemetery behind the house, just under our bedroom window, so I look out each morning and say "hi" to my husband and our sweet pets who have gone to Heaven before us. Each has a lovely beach stone and flowers, and an overlook of the lakeshore which will be covered with beautiful white Trilliums in a few weeks. I can't think of a better resting place for them.

I shared your feelings of mixed relief and grief when my husband died, as our circumstances were becoming quite desperate. Like you, I have only one daughter and no family able to help out. My daughter was still in veterinary school but was with me and her Dad when he died. One of the hardest parts of it all is that they were very close and she is still grieving deeply, as am I. We will miss the great person he was without the alcohol forever, and we will miss the wonderful grandpa he would have been if he had been able to achieve sobriety.