Addiction

I guess we are all addicted to something. My poison is chocolate. I can't be in the same room as chocolate and not eat it. It worries me until I've eaten it up. I have to hide a box of chocolates somebody has bought me or I would probably eat the whole box in one sitting. But I can go months without it, so it's under control (unless I'm in an exceedingly long queue at the supermarket and it winks at me from the checkout display!) Alcohol - I can take or leave. I love a glass of wine or a cocktail like the next person, but can count on one hand the number of glasses I consume in every two months. I used to smoke cigarettes a long time ago as a student but stopped 35 years ago. I have never taken drugs.

When you are really and truly addicted to a substance, it is hard to ignore. No matter how much people tell you you are going to die from it, you cannot see that. You can only see that your body is crying out for more and craves it so much that dying is far less of a problem than the craving. You need it and you need it NOW. (Greg wanted nothing more than to stop drinking but try as he might, he could not, even with professional help. )You know you are hurting the loved ones around you and you gladly want to stop for their sake if not your own, but the craving pushes you on to your next fix.... and the next..... and the next. You lose your family, your friends, your job, your money, your home and you eventually hit rock bottom, where you either claw your way back to recovery or surrender to the grim reaper.

The following  is a song written by Rick Hale who has lost a brother to addiction. I think the song and video beautifully encapture what it is like to be an addict or live with an addict. The video contrasts the present with the addict as a child in a family setting. The words are below.....

The muffled sound of old regrets

Burning out like cigarettes

Halfway gone and half to go

Fill the air with darkened haze

And all my empty yesterdays

Have brought me down a deeper low

And I can hardly breath it in

Chorus

What if there’s no end at all?

How much further can I fall?

Getting higher as my life’s descending

Something’s taken over me

I’m not the man I used to be

And I can’t take it if it’s never-ending

I know it’s hard to understand

You’ve only breathed it second-hand

But never walked inside these shoes

You hope someday I turn around

When I’ve crashed against the ground

And I have nothing left to lose

Chorus

Trace the marks across my skin

Laying draped around my frame

They tell the story of my sin

But you turn your back and wash your hands of all my shame

Chorus