23 November 2009


I seem to be on a proverbial rollercoaster at the moment, hence my absence over the last few weeks. There have been lots of highs, lots of lows and some scary white-knuckle bits in the middle. Quite frankly, I'd be glad to get off onto terra firma for a while if I could.

For a start, I am leading a dual sort of existence in two places sixty miles apart. One is with my mother. I went to visit her at the beginning of November for two weeks. We had a great time together, sharing laughs and memories. I also did the usual hard work felling two enormous holly trees and taking then to the local dump. I prepared her garden for the winter and took anything extraneous to the dump. I shredded loads of paperwork and took that to the dump too. I washed net curtains, cleaned windows, filled her larder and freezer with food and walked the dog inbetween. I don't mind hard work. It can be therapeutic and helps me work out and de-stress. In the middle of all that my mother got a call from the local hospital - they had had a cancellation and they were inviting her to have her other cataract operation while I was still there. So I was able to drive her to the hospital, hold her hand while we waited in the conveyor-belt queue, drive her home again, remove the eye patch the next day and administer the first antibiotic eye drops.

Then I had to get back home to run my other existence. The one where I live with Greg in a semi-nightmare world. He is back to drinking big-time. Back on a full bottle of whisky a day. Back to not eating. Back to not caring for his hygiene. In addition he has had upset tummy problems which alternate between constipation and diarrhoea. Because of his leg problems and inability to walk very fast, he is not making it to the toilet in time. I shall spare you the graphic details of what my involvement is when his diarrhoea meets his inability to walk quickly. Let's just say it is not pleasant. The words he uttered to the social worker in hospital when he declined her offer of back-up services at home keep coming back to me. "We can manage" Like hell, we can! While I was away at my mother's he managed to drive himself to the local hospital for some laser treatment on his feet, supposedly to help with the tingling feeling in his feet caused by the diabetes. He had several sessions. He also had to see the diabetic consultant on one occasion and, smelling drink on him at 10.30 in the morning, she refused to let him drive home, ordered him a taxi and made him leave his car in the hospital carpark. He picked it up the following morning - still intoxicated. He rang me at my mother's to tell me and was so humiliated and embarrassed..... unfortunately not enough to make a jot of difference to his drinking.

The best bit of the rollercoaster has been that Kay came home this weekend as she had a prizegiving at school and had to pick up her prize and A-level certificates. It was great seeing her again, as it was the first time we had seen one another since September. We have spoken on the phone lots, emailed, texted on our mobile phones, but not met. Either she has been busy with academic work or making new friends, so there has not been an opportunity up until now. For those who have asked, she is settling in well now and making friends from all over the UK and beyond. When she walked through the door, she looked so much more confident and older. We nattered a lot and she showed me some of her essays - written in entire gobbledegook, so far as my non-scientific brain could decipher. How she can cope with all that bio-chemical jargon is a mystery. Greg and I did foreign languages at uni, but bio-chemistry is a language all on its own! I put her on the train back to uni last night, but our parting was not at all tearful. She was happy to be returning to her new life and I was happy that she was happy... but roll on Christmas!!!


Dr24Hours said...

So sorry, Rosario. I'm glad you're back with us though. I wish I had more uplifting words to write. I think all things are possible. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Gin said...

(((Rosario))) Hang in there and try to do what is best for you. I know it is sooooo hard.

aims said...

Dear Rosiero.

I have just returned from the funeral of a friend of mine. An alcoholic who dropped dead at the age of 48 because the alcohol killed her heart.

She had hardening of the arteries and high cholesterol although she rarely ate because she preferred to drink.

I know you don't need to hear such a thing when you live with this every single day - and it is too bad that Greg doesn't listen to anyone about it either.

My friend's ex-fiancee (he couldn't take her drinking and called off the wedding) is living with us for the winter.

His days are often filled with tears as he thinks of the 16 years he tried to help her quit drinking and what it resulted in.

He often feels incredibly guilty because he couldn't make her stop drinking. But on the other hand he feels like she has finally set him free from worrying about her and from all the enabling he did to help her drink - ran for her booze and cigarettes all the time so she wouldn't kill anyone while driving.

Our days together are filled with trying to make Sam realize it wasn't his fault in any way shape or form and that it was something she couldn't help either. She had a disease - one that she wouldn't fight against - and it won.

This seems to be the way for all alcoholics. Some day the bottom of the bottle is endless and they fall into it eternally.

I'm glad she is at peace now. I will always remember her when she was sober and to me those are great memories. I know Sam has more of those too and I truly hope that some day he will only remember those.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rosiero,

I had no idea you were so hard at work when you went to your mum's house. I had hoped it was a time for some much needed relaxation. Sorry to hear things are back to the way they were with Greg.

At least there is your daughter. Her happiness and presence must have given you a real lift. Not long until Christmas now.

All the best


Elaine Denning said...

I hope your Mum's op went well. (Do you want to come to mine for a week and sort my house out? Lol.)
It's great news that your daughter has settled in at Uni...I'm So pleased for her.

I don't know what to say about Greg, I really don't. Hang in there and be strong. x

Rebel Mother said...

Good heavens! You are a modern day superwoman. I feel for you with all that clearing up after Greg. Awful!

I am so pleased about Kay, this is indeed a wonderful high. How absolutely wonderful. She is a little shining star.

Love RMxx

Nota Bene said...

So glad that two out of the three things in your life are good...really very pleased for Kay. Amazed at your ability to survive the nightmare. x

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Hang in there and enjoy Kays successes. You deserve it.

grandmamargie said...

I knew Kay would be ok once she became acclimated. I'm sorry to hear that Greg is regressing so. Take care of yourself. That's one of the best things you can do at this point.

www.retiredandcrazy.com said...

I know that life is hard for you Rosario, but you have come such a long way this year. And despite us life moves on and changes so I have every confidence that it will improve for you.

Dr24Hours said...

Hey Rosario. I gave you an award.

Dr24Hours said...

try again

Anonymous said...

Well it's good news as far as Kay is concerned, she so deserves the best in her life.

Sorry to hear about Greg though. I am always hoping when I visit that he will have sobered up and you will once more have the life you so deserve.

CJ xx

nuttycow said...

Hi R - lovely to hear from you again. I'm glad Kay is settling into University now. I thought she might. Hopefully she's having a whale of a time and really taking advantage of all Uni has to offer. Also good news that you've managed to spend some time with your mother - I'm sure she appreciated your company and all the work you did for her.

I was sorry, however, to read about Greg and the fact it's all gone a bit downhill again. I don't know what to suggest. I don't think there is anything that I can say which will either a) make sense or b) be appropriate. Just know our thoughts are with you.

Furtheron said...

Hold on to the last paragraph, that was the best thing in this post.

My son came home from uni unexpectedly (for me anyway) the other weekend. There was a time when I was an active drinker and treated him appallingly - now he wants to see me, supports me, gives me hugs etc. I'm so so lucky.

Strength to you!

Millennium Housewife said...

Rosiero you're just amazing.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that the lovely Kay has settled in so well. You must be so proud of her.

I certainly am and she's not even mine! I bawled my eyes out when her A' level results came out.


Flowerpot said...

Thank God you have Kay in your life. Hang on to her happiness for the mment. Best of luck. What about Snoopy?

Eliza said...

i can only echo all that has already been said. Hang on in there (((hugs)))

ADDY said...

Thanks you for all your comments. As always they are reassuring and comforting.

Aims - I am so sorry for your friend. I fear my story will end that way too and I am always ready for the next emergency.

Any Edge - thanks for the award.

Furtheron - I am so glad your sone has forgiven you.

Not Waving _ awwh - thanks.

Flowerpot - Snoopy loves his trips to his grandma. He loves to relax in her garden and watch me working hard wrestling with the weeds! She lives near the sea, so he loves his beach walks too.

DD's Diary said...

So glad you saw Kay and that she is doing so well! So sorry about the rest ....

Ellen said...

Hi Rosiero, Boy - you are a hard worker! - I am sure that your mother was delighted with her garden after you had finshed working on it and I hope that she makes a good recovery from the op. So sorry to hear of Greg's hard drinking, what a difficult thing to come home to.

Great that Kay was able to come home for prize-giving - you must have been the proudest Mum at the school.

All in all you sound like a roller-coaster riding Superwoman, red cape flying behind you as you tackle your busy life. I hope you find some time for yourself to relax. Take care it was great to read your post.

PS Have send a couple of e-mails recently, but don't know whether you received them. No need to reply, just so you know.