Jill and I were crestfallen. We could not believe that the hospital had been taken in by Greg. The social worker asked to see me separately and promised she would keep an eye on both him AND me, but she advised me to be optimistic and give him the benefit of the doubt. Jill had to get back to the Midlands. She had her own family to see to. She had been a marvellous help and support for those last few days. So too had my best friend who, although ill herself, had managed the previous week to travel across from the other side of London for a day to visit Greg and prop me up.
The occupational health people arranged to visit me the next day to inspect the house. The upshot of it was that they ordered zimmer frames for him to get around, a crutch to help him up and down stairs, a perching stool for him to recline on while he washed in the bathroom and chair-raisers to alter the height of the armchairs. All this was done before he could be discharged from hospital. My home was quickly transformed into a convalescent home overnight. Once everything was in place, Greg was to be allowed home the following day. That evening, I visited him for one more time in hospital. He was so excited at the thought of coming home, although annoyed he could not come home that very evening. I hardly said a word. I was too choked. I tried to smile at his chirrups of excitement, but all the while I was dreading the thought. He was coming home. My four-week respite was about to finish.
22 comments:
You are describing exactly how I felt (albeit with a lot of hatred on my part) about my late father-in-law. He went into hospital at mainly our request because of having 3 strokes in the house. He kept refusing to see a doctor until we could take it no more and insisted he did. The doctor immediately admitted him into hospital where he stayed for 7 weeks. But for the first three weeks I panicked like I've never panicked before. I knew that if he was to come back to our house I would have to look after him and I hated him. I managed to persuade the social worker that it would be impossible for him to come back - she was very much on my side because a) I am epileptic and it would be dangerous for me to take the stress, b) Amy is autistic and needs my constant supervision (if a) occured that would be in jeopordy and c) Jim needed 24 hour nursing and that was obviously something I couldn't give and neither could my husband.
He went into a home and, whether it sounds cruel or not, I was so relieved I cannot begin to express. I even began to like him a little after that knowing that I had a family at long last and had the freedom to get on with living my life.
I'm sorry, I've made a blog in itself here!!
CJ xx
I think everyone who reads this post will now feel that horrible, unwanted sickly feeling that you must have felt. But ours will only be a gazillionth of yours because we're just reading it.
Kit has said it perfectly. Just feeling a lump in my stomach with it all.
You must have felt such dread and guilt all at the same time - not that YOU should feel guilty. The quango of doctors, social workers, etc. who were sending Greg home to you and Kay are the ones who should feel guilty. They have let you all down. Thinking of you. D
I think Rosiero that most people would feel the way you did then, they just don't like to admit it, for fear of how others might react. Resentment builds and dislike or hatred begins to creep in. Well done you for saying it like it is. It is better to talk openly in such cases. You are incredibly brave.
A x
I'm with Kit, thinking of you Rosiro! MH
You've got nothing to feel guilty about. It's another stage you have to go through before the situation resolves itself, or Greg resolves it for you.
I wonder how you are doing now; I hope, well, and there is always hope, again and again.
This was obviously a difficult time for you. And (imho) you had already exceeded your spousal obligations... But how was Kay reacting to her dad returning home?
My heart sank for you reading this and although I know it is a difficult situation, feel so angry on your behalf that your and Kay's wishes and needs are being overridden.
I don't have anything to add, but agree with what everyone has said....
Gill in Canada
I too would like to know how your daughter feels, though obviously you can't tell us if she doesn't want you too.
I think you should have told them that you weren't prepared to care for him and would only let him come back if he was able to cope on his own.
If the worst comes to the worst you can leave. You're not a prisoner, except to your own misplaced guilt and fear of an unknowable future.
I think one of my main reasons for staying with a man I don't love is fear of economic insecurity. How bad does that sound?
It's often very hard to speak what we really feel. I'm trying to work on that a lot (for a variety of reasons). Sometimes the situation becomes so overwhelming (which, I suspect, is what happened here) that the words would/could not come out of your mouth...
It must be so difficult and also for Kay, what confusing emotions to feel about her Dad. Good luckx
oh god i'm dreading the next installment. and where are we in real time? september? october? not that long ago, right?
argh.
I feel there is only so much you can do. When is a marriage over? Don't feel guilty! Think of your girl, she will be around long after her dad is.
While I'm waiting for a fairy tale ending but somehow I don't think that's on the cards.
Yes I'd like to konw how Kay felt about all this - like you I presume?
Thank you for all your comments. Fr those who asked, Kay was not looking forward to our peace being shattered. Most teenagers are embarrassed by the actions of their parents, but in Kay's case, doubly so as he looks and behaves like a tramp!
rosiero, the hackneyed phrase 'not a level playing-field' describes your situation perfectly. There has to be somebody, somewhere, who recognises that your life is being flushed down the toilet. Do not give up. Pester the buggers to death.
Hi Rosiero...there is an award waiting for you over at my place!
I agree with Strawberry Jam Anne- well done to you for saying it like it is. It is such a help for others struggling along, and helps them feel less isolated.
My prayers stay with you.
Reading your blog, I remember what I've missed in my blogging absence over the past few months. GOD ALMIGHTY! is all I can say.
I feel for you and I hope it all goes better than you thin
I do truly think you are amazing and I hope you are OK.
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