23 January 2014

Running up a spiral staircase

I've run out of steam. You've probably noticed it's been a while since I last blogged and a while before that too. You HAVE noticed, haven't you?

My days are filled with running back and forth to continue easing my mother into her new home...... dealing with her mail (often sorting out complicated solicitor's letters connected with the move), helping her with shopping, showering, making beds, laundry, visits to the bank, the doctor, a hospital appointment or whatever. I've been over there most days of the week. I hoping some day soon, things will settle into a pattern and I'll maybe only go over twice or three times a week. I'm hoping for some spare time for me to do the things I said I'd do once I had the freedom (without anxious dog metaphorically handcuffing me to the house) such as visits to Kay; sightseeing in London (although a Londoner and having lived here most of my life, there are still areas of London I know nothing about and have never visited); sorting through the last decade's photographs; researching the family tree; and visits to friends in far-flung places.

Kay rang me yesterday and was very down. Since Christmas, she has been on a placement on a paediatric ward seeing cute fluffy kids with sadly all manner of things wrong with them.  However yesterday, with not much for her to do as a medical student, she had been sent to observe or assist in A&E. And what did she see? Two separate alcoholic cases.  One had been in a fight and had got a lacerated face like two pounds of rump steak. The other had evidently been found unconscious on the street. It was supposed he had hit his head with one hell of a whack as he came down, as he had internal bleeding in the brain, was in a coma and not likely to survive. The effect on Kay from these two cases was to bring the past flooding back and she was tearful. That in turn made me upset to think she is still suffering from the affects of Greg's drinking. I had hoped it would get less and less until it disappeared altogether, but I guess that is more wishful thinking than reality. The truth is, I suspect, that it will never go away completely for either of us.

I felt the need to seek out an Al-Anon meeting today to get a bit of peace of mind and order my thoughts. A bit of precious me-time too. I think it did the trick.


Nota Bene said...

What a miserable start to the year...I do so hope it gets better for you and Kay. Kay's chosen career will always be a tough one, but it must be particularly hard when it brings back personal history like that.

Treat yourselves to something nice...

Hippo said...

It can't be easy but over time it will hurt less.

Flowerpot said...

It sounds like you really need more me-time Addy - hope it comes your way soon. Very hard for Kay but as the others said, it will get better with tmime. Take care x

K Ville said...

It's a rotten time of year. There seems less hours in a day with more to do, wondering how we used to achieve everything we used to in a day and it all seems so hard. Annnnnnnnnnd Breathe.

The peace is in there somewhere, seek it out and breath it in and then shoulders down and off again.

You know, I don't think the hurt does get less, we know the ache is always there and mostly ignore it and the times between the stabbing pains gets longer but as soon as you smell that smell or see something that flashes you back, it's there like a ton of emotion to be revisited then packed up and shipped off again until the next time. I guess we all carry a bag of that in one kind or another. It's good that Kay is able to bring that to you to help her put it away again. and you have somewhere to take it too. Look after yourself x

Gone Back South said...

Hello again, nice to see you're still blogging! It sounds like you're in a very busy patch at the mo - good luck with it all. GBS x