Before he took early retirement six years ago, Greg was a journalist by profession, an international radio journalist, and was always watching news, devouring elections and enlivened by international and national politics. He would have been in his element this last few weeks, glued to the TV set, watching the first ever televised debates between the three main UK political contenders. He'd have been up all night last night watching every agonised constituency result come through. He would have been over the moon to hear about the electoral reform that clearly now seems on the cards. He was always a staunch supporter of Proportional Representation. He'd be jumping for joy. But he's not, because he isn't here and he doesn't know and he never will and he's missed it all by two months.
Me? I hate politics, I can't stand the all-night swingometers and I'd sooner have a decent night's sleep than watch the same drab line-ups awaiting their fate as the results in a constituency somewhere near you are read out. I'm just not that kind of person. I don't mind reading about it once all the fuss is over. I just can't stand the boring chewing of the cud. But this time,what have I done? I've watched it all (the debates/swingometers, the lot) and agonised and wondered at what's going to happen to us all in this ridiculous Hung Parliament situation we are now in. Because I've got to do it for Greg. He wouldn't otherwise know. How weird is that?
Of course you did it for Greg. The most natural thing in the world. You were partners for a long time so it follows that you would do this for him. And he will know and why. love and hugs. A x
ReplyDeleteThat isn't peculiar at all. There is a book you may like, called "I am a Strange Loop", by Douglas Hofstader, who is a professor in the States. He lost his wife to brain cancer when she was very young, perhaps 35.
ReplyDeleteProf. Hofstader studies, among other things, cognitive science, and it is his opinion that the consciousness of an individual is not a singular thing, fixed in the physical brain of the person. Rather, it is a larger concept, relating to the existance and transference of symbols and signals in the minds of others. That the image you have in your mind of Greg is not just part of you, but is, in a very real way, part of him.
So you didn't watch it for Greg. you watched it with him.
Hello again. I have been following your story for quite a long time now, but I've been offline for a while so I didn't know Greg had died, I was shocked when I read about what had happened. I'm so sorry to hear your loss. My thoughts are with you. xxx
ReplyDeleteHi Addy,
ReplyDeleteWith the TV on all night covering the election maybe it was like keeping Greg company. I think it would be hard to get away from things that were a major part of his life. Not odd at all. Mind you there was something compelling about this one. I'm not one for politics either and I had to push myself to bed at four knowing I had to be up at eight.
Hope you are taking care of yourself,
Nechtan
That's a really interesting (and well written) post with some very interesting and useful comments. I do things my husband would like to do when he isn't around but drive me scatty when he is and what you are saying takes it to another level. Xxx it must be hard for you xxx hugs xxx
ReplyDeletenot weird at all! not in the least.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I separated I often found myself doing things we would have done if we were together (watching the football, watching boring documentaries about steam engines). I did question why I was doing it, and I guess the only answer I came up with was that it made me feel closer to him.
ReplyDeleteHugs. x
it was quite a turn of events the election for you all in Britain.
ReplyDeleteBring back the Margaret Thatcher days......it's been down hill ever since in my humble opinion.
Gill in Canada
I totally get you doing this. Its not weird at all. I think it is a positive thing - a natural way to remember Greg when he was vibrant and well. Thank you for this post - my grandmother died many years ago, I know that is different to one's husband but still I grieve. Your beautiful piece of writing helped me to remember more even now all this time later of times we spent together. An inspiring piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself.
Kindest regards.
i think that's rather lovely addy. i wonder if you enjoyed it though, doing the politics thing for Greg? I wonder if it brought a little bit of him back. for an evening. or if it made the loss even more poignant because you couldn't ask him what he thought. Thoughts. lots of those with you x
ReplyDeleteI think that that was a lovely and a natural thing to do and I am sure that Greg enjoyed every moment of election night with you.
ReplyDeleteThat makes perfect sense in a way. Though I'm like you - I hate all that build up and the papers are full of election specials this weekend - aagh! But Greg would be very pleased to hear allthe information via you, I'm sure. Take care xx
ReplyDeleteIt isn't weird at all Addy. You are choosing to remember Greg before the alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI wondered if he would have watched the elections if he had lived to see them. Or - would he have drank himself into oblivion long before the results were starting to be posted.
I'm glad you are remembering the good times. They will stay with you and you will act according to them.
May be a surprising thing to have done, but if it feels right, then all well and good. Grieving is a strange process...
ReplyDeleteI have followed your blog on and off for a while. Your story closely resembles mine. I had an alcoholic husband who is now deceased. This all happened 11-12 years ago. His drinking became worse over many years and many disappointments. I helped him the best way I knew how for a long time by bailing him out of tough situations but it eventually got too much for me and I left the marriage. My heart goes out to you. It's a tragic story, but life goes on, and believe me, life gets a lot better.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's what makes you such a wonderful person. xxxx
ReplyDeleteYou must be bored with the election by now though eh, its like waking up the morning after a party at a strange house, Clegg's asleep on top of Cameron on the sofa while Brown's curled up in the corner covered in potato chips and cider and looking a bit green around the gills.
ReplyDeletewith each day we miss them all over again...but in so doing we release ourselves from one less knot....and will be free to become something as yet covered undiscovered...
ReplyDeletel wish you everything l wish for myself Rosiero, but as yet, l know not what that is....
luv Saz x
I've been following the political situation like a hawk, perhaps on behalf of Greg too. I'm sure he's watched it at some point.
ReplyDeleteCJ xx
My Mum was the same. Dad loved football, especiall the FA cup. He would get himself all geared up for the game, watching the pre-match reports etc. while Mum would do her ironing in the other room. When he died she started watching the FA cup too. You're right Addy, it's weird, but don't knock it. I guess it's part of the healing process.
ReplyDelete