10 August 2010

Another reason to be angry

As if Greg did not do enough damage when he was alive, he is still wreaking it after he has died. I try not to let it get to me too much, but when it concerns Kay, I adopt my mad mother cow mode and bellow.

Back in March when Greg was rushed into hospital , Kay hurried the two hundred miles or so down from university to be there. Things were looking grim and Greg did in fact die a week later. Not only did Kay miss two weeks of lectures at that time (including the week following Greg's death) but she also missed a very important exam. She did this with the university's permission and they were good enough to say that she could take the exam in August instead, when those who had meanwhile failed it did their re-sits. The exam is next week.


So instead of having a nice long summer vacation to get over what has been a strenuous academic year (let nobody say medicine is an easy course to study) as well as a very difficult year on an emotional level, Kay has had to stick her nose in a book and study hard. The fact that one-third of her fellow course students failed that March exam and are having to do re-sits does not fill her with confidence as to its simplicity: she is worried sick she will fail too. Her old school friends in London have been inviting her out for days out here or there, or suggesting all-night clubbing or trips to the cinema. Kay has gone out to some, just to keep sane, but has also had to decline a lot for fear she will not get all her revision done in time. What is also worrying is that, if she fails the exam, there will not be enough time for her to resit the exam before start of the next academic year in September and she will therefore have to repeat the whole of the first year again instead. A whole lot rests on this exam. So no pressure then.


I feel so sorry for her and wish I could wave a magic wand. She is physically and mentally exhausted, seems to be getting one cold or ear infection after the other and is very run down. If Greg had not died, when he did and the way he did, she would have taken the exam in March and would be having a whale of a rest now. And once again, my anger is slowly rising. He's done it again.

17 comments:

Nechtan said...

Hi Addy,

Sorry to hear that about Kay. Even without missing the original exam I can't imagine how hard it is too study for a tough exam when losing your dad at the same time. And I would imagine there is a great pressure too to take part in the social side of things. Must be some juggling act she is performing.

All I can say is that I do hope she passes and at the very least doesn't have further pressure to get a resit done. Fingers crossed up here.

And equally I can understand your anger and frustation knowing how hard this all is for Kay. It does sound like she needs some well earned rest so hopefully she can get that soon too.

All the best

Nechtan

Kelloggsville said...

maybe we have to try to remember it was the illness that created the mess not Greg himself. It is an illness, he wouldn't have chosen to put himself into that position. I suppose you have to just keep on bracing yourselves against the wind a little longer and keep facing each new challenge the best you can xxxx

Eliza said...

Oh I'm keeping everything crossed for her, poor you and Kay ((((hugs))))

Nota Bene said...

I have faith in Kay! She's got through a lot, shows fearless determination, so it should all be fine...and I too will keep everything crossed for her

Kit Courteney said...

Totally understandable!

VERY best wishes to your daughter for her exam. Goodness only knows how she's fared so well after everything she has been through at her age.

It's good she has such a caring and supportive mum on her side :0)

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I think I can understand your anger Addy. When Greg pressed his self destruct button it had such a "knock on effect". Such a pity that Kay cannot enjoy a well earned rest and some fun now. I do hope all her extra time spent studying really pays off for her but can imagine how stressful it all is, for you both. Please wish her the best from me and I'm sending a hug to you. A x

grandmamargie said...

Oh, Addy, I'm so sorry. I said a prayer for her physically, mentally and emotionally and that she passes this exam.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Good luck to the girl, but she'll be ok I'm sure.

Monalisa said...

Good Luck, Kay.

Furtheron said...

Good luck to Kay.

Your anger is understandable. The anger of those on the receiving end of the selfishness of the alcoholic is an anger of huge proportions... I know I've seen it. No matter what I do today (sober) it'll never mend all of that harm. It is as they say a very family illness.

Again good luck to Kay - I'm sure she'll do great and sail through.

DogLover said...

Take it easy, Addy. Kelloggsville says it all! Try to let go of that resentment against Greg; blame the disease, if you have to, but don't allow it to eat you up! You are made of sterner stuff!

It's rotten luck for Kay. She seems to be coping well, but she may have an extra year learning more than her fellow students have done and that may one day stand her in good stead - who knows? It's a lesson that life isn't fair and that it can't be controlled!

Meanwhile you are no longer having to cope with all the problems Greg's drinking caused you, so your life's better in one direction, at least.

Spencer Park said...

I have my fingers, toes and everything else crossed for K. Surely, they will make consideration for the circumstances she has had to face? If not, they should!

Flowerpot said...

Oh I am sorry Addy. How very difficult for both of you. Everything crossed for that exam - but try not to let that resentment eat away at you. It won't help - as youknow. I've just been in a similar situation and know just how difficult it is to let go, but if you can, you will feel so much easier. I like your bit above about Chinese and Japanese - I am still plagued by these visitors. xxx

dulwich divorcee said...
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Saz said...

oh dear...try and let go of it...its totally wasted emotion and energy that will do you more damage than Kay ultimately...

acknowledge you feelings and let them sit beside you not inside you....accepting them is all you need do...dont dwell my friend....

and this will make her stronger than ever....

we cannot get through this if always let the anger and resentment and regrets surface...

it is, what it is.....let it lay down beside you...nod hello...then you will rebound with more energy...


luv saz x

fingers crossed for her...

Shammickite said...

Hve faith in your lovely daughter. She's determined to get through this difficult time and she knows that there's a lot riding on the outcome of this exam. Alcoholism is a very hard disease to come to grips with and as you say, it goes on hurting families even after the patient has gone. But being angry doesn't change things now.... I went through anger too, and now I just thank my lucky stars that life turned out the way it did, both for me and my two sons and their families. Thnk peace and tranquility.... it works!

laurie said...

ah, i understand your anger! but this is school. this is the way it works. life happens, and if the students are worth their mettle (as your wonderful daughter is), they will rise to the occasion and adapt. she'll be fine. she'll be fine.

but i do understand your anger.