18 April 2010

Home Alone

Many thanks for all your supportive comments over the last few weeks. They have buoyed me up and kept me going. I am in a strange transition at the moment. For the first time since Greg died six weeks ago, I am officially on my own; alone; widow of this parish; a singleton, for Kay went back to university up North this morning. I took her and her three cases of clothes, work, more clothes, laptop and more clothes to the station and put her on the Inter-City train. We decided to get a taxi across London to avoid having to lug the heavy cases up and down into the Underground. The taxi driver took us along the scenic route in today's glorious spring sunshine - past Buckingham Palace just as they were Changing the Guard;


past Horse Guards Parade;

across Trafalgar Square;


past the various theatres, pubs and specialist bookshops in Charing Cross Road ;

across Oxford Street;

into Bloomsbury and past the British Museum.

There's no better place than London in all its glory in the sunshine. It made my parting with Kay extra special and cheered an otherwise emotional moment. St Pancras Station was heaving with people trying to grab the last seats on the Eurostar train back to Paris or Brussels, as air travel is still disrupted by the cloud of ash spewing out of Iceland's Eyjafjallajoekull volcano. Fortunately Kay had booked a seat on her train up to Yorkshire, so we could take our time getting there. All too soon, I was waving her off and making my return journey home alone. I won't pretend it didn't seem strange, opening the front door and knowing there was nobody else inside. Even stranger was to cook a meal just for myself and sit down alone to eat it. Fortunately Snoopy more than made up for it, by bouncing around to greet me and putting in the occasional wolf howl for extra effect. Then, just when I wondered what I might do to while away a few hours in the afternoon, there was a knock at the door and there stood a woman and her husband who used to live next door to me thirty years ago and whom I have not seen in almost as long. We do however still stay in Christmas card contact and I had written to her to tell her about Greg's death. They came bearing a bunch of flowers too.It was lovely to chat and catch up on thirty years' news. It is amazing how a lot of good has come from Greg 's death. So many people we had almost lost contact with have rallied round to support me. My somewhat shaky faith in human nature has been restored.

As I write, it is growing darker and I have been putting lights on all over the house. It will seem strange that when I turn them out, there will only be Snoopy (and maybe the cat) to wish goodnight to. It's going to take some getting used to.

25 comments:

nuttycow said...

I written and rewritten this comment a million and one times but it always sounds... well, I don't know.

Am glad Kay got back up to Uni ok. It will be strange being on your own after such a long time but this too should get a little easier over time.

x

Ellen said...

Just remember to take things day by day and that every cloud will pass to reveal the sunshine - impossible as that feels sometimes. What a memorable journey across London, there is nowhere like London in the springtime. It must have been hard for Kay returning to University and for you too, but it won't be too long before Kay will be returning home for the long summer holidays. I think you both deserve a special break this summer. Take care. Dx

Furtheron said...

You are not really alone... Kay for one thing may not physically be there but she is still "there".

Best wishes for your new journey - the life one... not the one across London... :-)

Elaine said...

I'm with nuttycow....I've looked at this for so long, not knowing what to say. I can't imagine what you're going through and I have no words which will make any difference whatsoever to your world, your pain, your predicament, your reality.

((((HUGS)))))

Stay strong, and know you are being thought of more than you will probably ever realise. xxx

Nota Bene said...

Waht a lovely thing for your ex-neighbout come round. Hope Snoopy continues to provide good company!

Kit Courteney said...

There are times when people (and animals) can really cheer us up.

Thank goodness!

grandmamargie said...

I, also, have no words. But to let you know I think of you and pray for you and Kay.

Flowerpot said...

I'm sure it will take a lot of getting used to, but a friend who's in a similar situation to you said the same thing - that she was stunned and uplifted by the amount of goodwill and love from friends. You take care and enjoy the lovely Snoopy. Dogs are a great comfort I find. xxxx Just remember - it will get better.

aims said...

Having watched this event from up close and personal - I know that it does eventually get better - easier. Once you are done dealing with all the paper work that is involved - and it keeps coming in for a long long time - and once you start focusing on yourself - then it starts to get easier.

Coming to accept such a major change in your life is hard to do but it is something you expected deep down isn't it? That doesn't say it isn't hard - it's just that you foresaw the future while there are others who are so surprised by a sudden loss.

You're going to be okay Addy. And don't forget about Mum. She needs you too but she won't push you on it. :0)

Millennium Housewife said...

I feel like nuttycow, so much I want to write and yet there are no words that seem enough. All I can do is to keep reading, keep you in my thoughts and send all the love to you. There are many people thinking of you Rosiero, all over the world, making this journey with you and holding out a hand. xx

Kelloggsville said...

Cooking for one is a hard thing, if you get to grips with the art of maintaining an interest and keeping it tasty please blog on about it (I resort to cereal and soup and get all fed up about it). How nice your friends popped up at the moment you needed them. These things often have a habit of happening if we let them. Hopefully Snoopy will benefit from lots of evening walks, I love talking to the dogs they always listen to my musings about stuff so very very well. I guess things are going to feel strange for some time to come yet. Baby steps to finding senerity. *HUGS*

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I can imagine that being alone after what you have been through will be difficult. Glad you have Snoopy and Cat to help to keep your spirits up. How lovely too that your friends turned up just when they did. Early days Addie - I'm glad it is Spring and you have Summer ahead. Thinking of you. A x

Nechtan said...

Hi Addy,

I hope you are taking care of yourself. It is great that so many old faces have shown up as it appears to be giving you a lift.

All the best

Nechtan

elsy said...

take one day at a time, dont make too many demands of yourself, take people up on their offers, whatever and cherish good memories. best wishes ella

laurie said...

great pictures. poignant post. you have some adjustment to do. you will always miss the greg you loved, but you might not miss the greg of recent years. and that's perfectly ok.

all best thoughts to you.

NylaWoodcock0502 said...

原來這世上能跟你共同領略一個笑話的人竟如此難得........................................

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Sit down and make a list of all the things you would have done if you hadn't had to rush home to manage Greg. Then go out and do them.

No rush. But don't let time hang heavy. Keep busy. There's so much going on in London, no excuse to stay cooped up indoors.

DogLover said...

A completely new chapter in your life has just opened up, hasn't it. It's time now to be positive and not dwell on the past with all its missed opportunities. As Daphne Wayne-Bough says, make a list of everything you can now do - the scene is wide open!

Like you, I had a Snoopy (well, a large, rather independent Labrador) and he proved good company, especially as he didn't understand what I said to him, but wagged his tail encouragingly just the same.

Best wishes, Addy

Working Mum said...

How lovely of your ex-neighbours to take the time to visit you. It must be comforting to know that people are thinking of you. I hope Kay is settling back into university and that you both adjust, in time, to your new situation. Still wishing you strength and comfort. WM x

Linda said...

Thinking of you Addy♥ Wish I had some magical words for you:( Some very wise words have been said already. It's still early days yet but given time you will find your feet again xoxo How lovely of your old neighbours to turn up, very special indeed. Loved the photo's of London, such a great City. Take good care ♥ Linda

Retiredandcrazy said...

It's very hard isn't it Addy? That's why I'm so grateful that my grandaughter and her family moved in with me. Mind you, I may live to regret it! But I don't think so.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Still thinking of you. Time does help if only to fade the bad bits.

June said...

I believe that you will find, as time goes on, what a relief you feel, and I hope that you will feel zero guilt about that.
When it was just you and Greg in this last year, who sat down and ate with you?

"It is amazing how a lot of good has come from Greg's death."
Not the least of which would be knowing that your house won't burn down, because of a dropped cigarette, while you're sleeping . . . and you won't have to clean up horrible messes when you walk in the door.

"My somewhat shaky faith in human nature has been restored."
Now that you don't feel as if you need to hide so much of your real life from people, you have opened the door to other humans' good nature.

dulwich divorcee said...

The sudden aloneness must be very hard to bear but how lovely of your former neighbours to pop by. I have a feeling that that sort of thing is going to happen a lot. Thinking of you. Pets are such a comfort. I was so pleased to see our cat when we got back from Barbados yesterday and she really cheered me up after I dropped the girls off with their dad. Give Snoopy a pat from me!

one planet said...

..I love o be in the british museum .. love the chinese pottery