02 October 2009

Home again

He is home again as of 5 minutes ago and I am so blimmin choked, I could howl my eyes out. The hospital have just wiped their hands of him yet again. He can barely walk, is already bleating he wants some cigarettes and I know it won't be long before he's asking for the whisky. How can they do this to me?

20 comments:

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

Phone the emergency number for your local social care department and tell them YOU CANNOT COPE any more and they need to get him into a place of safety as he is not in a fit state to be home with you - YOU are at risk of meltdown, tell them and maybe they will section him and get him back inside hospital? M xx

Gin said...

Oh Rosiero I am so sorry. I think the above advice is good. I hope that will work! Sending you all of my love and wishing you much strength.

elsy said...

be brave and take that good advice....you owe it to yourself

Kit Courteney said...

A similar thing happened to my mother when my grandmother was very ill (not through alcohol but cancer and dementia). My grandmother insisted on being cared for at home, regardless of the effect it had on my mother's physical and mental health, and for a couple of years my mother did the 'decent' thing and went along with it KNOWING damn well that the best place for her mother was in a care home with proper services.

Bloody hospital officials were absolutely crap at listening to my mother until she made a stand by causing all sorts of 'problems' by saying that she COULD NOT care for her mother any longer.

It was only when she did this that they listened to her.

Luckily (this sounds harsh but I saw the pain my own mother was going through daily) my grandmother died soon after - at home - but with far more help and support than she had previously received.

You really are going to have to think of yourself.

You cannot cope and now you need to let EVERYONE know that this is the case or it'll be YOU that suffers and you are worth so much more than that.

Please do what the first poster said and effectively 'give them hell'. That is their job. They have to help you. Unfortunately, you have to make them see that.

This is unbearable for you and if we could all do something we bloody well would!

Millennium Housewife said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mumplustwo said...

Oh dear. What a hideous predicament. Really really wish I could do more than offer words of sympathy. I'm so sorry for you that things are so VERY awful right now. Hope you able to get social services support!!?? You clearly need it very badly. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that things get better....xx

Arhonda Bend said...

I can only hope that you'll be alright and that there's someone can listen to you and help you.

tim1leg said...

yes if you can call in the troops that is after all why we pay our taxes, saying that though it being friday night you will be hard pushed to get anyone till Monday... crisis dont happen at the weekends apparently. Whatever you do Ros, please try to take a little time for yourself, impossible I know but so good if you can. I dont know if you know anyone in al anon but those ladied and men will go above and beyond the call of any social service! big hug and in my prayers and thoughts xxx

rosiero said...

MH - Thank you so much for your contact details - I have deleted your post as I do not want others to abuse your telephone details. It is so kind of you to reach out to me in that way. When I have had a chance to compose myself, I shall try to write what happened at the hospital today but for now, I am going to get as good a night's sleep as I can!! Many thanks, though, to you and all the others for advice and comments. I shall certainly chew on them.

Nota Bene said...

Rosiero...e-mail me if you need somewhere to escape to for a bit and clear your head

June said...

I remember hospitals and doctors sending my mother home, and saying there was nothing wrong with her, when I, at thirteen with my dad dead three years, knew just how much was wrong with her. I spent a lot of time making myself as invisible as possible. It is a terrible, lonely, hopeless feeling. You have my sympathy.

Calling Al-Anon sounds like the best idea ever!

Robert said...

I know that there's not much you can do at the weekend, so you'll have to grin & bear it. But I hope you kick ass next week and get some sort of assistance!

At least you know you've got lots of friends, right here, all caring about you...

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Just had a quick update Rosiero and feel so sorry for all that you are having to go through. I'm with the others who have said take that good piece of advice - start thinking about and putting yourself first. Sending love and hugs. A x

Elaine said...

I really do feel for you. xxx

David Clark said...

You must get some support, you cannot go on like this. You must look after yourself.

As tim1leg says (who I know and she is a lovely person and works in the field), try to contact an AlAnon group if there is one local. You might find some online support on our web community at www.wiredin.org.uk.

I am heading off for a weeks holiday but will check in when I get back. I'm worried about you - you need some rest. My best wishes.
david@wiredin.org.uk

Almost American said...

AARGH! Oh Rosiero! How could they!!

You've spent years looking after your dear daughter and your husband. Right now it's time to look after you! Contacting Al-anon sounds like a really good idea - there have GOT to be other people who've gone through this who can help you - point you in the right direction for support (both your mental health and looking after Greg), people who know what kind of arguments might finally work to get Greg the help he so obviously needs. I would guess you don't really want to just abandon him, but you may have to play that trump card of moving to your mother's to get him the help he needs. If it gets him what he needs, then you're doing a good thing for him AND for you!

Rebel Mother said...

If you cannot wait over the weekend, call the police and get him taken away. They will do it, (depending on what you say). It might activate the social in a bit quicker as well.

It maybe time for you to make a decision - if you want to continue or get a divorce.

Thinking of you Rosiero.

Much love RMxx

aims said...

I'm assuming they sent him home because they felt his medical conditions didn't warrant a continued stay in the hospital?

What are the results on his ability to walk then - did they cure him or are they putting him into a wheelchair?

I'm also assuming that they are not able to put him into - another - detox program.

My nephew's wife just came out of a clinic in British Columbia. It cost them $18,000 for 6 weeks of treatment. Unfortunately I think that money will just go down the drain in a while but time will tell. At 32 she is well on the way to becoming another Greg.

By the time you read this you will have been able to think more about this. Having read all the above comments from people who live in your country I'm thinking that there is not much help for people in your situation.

Addictions and mental illness. Both afflictions that are swept under the table and ignored in the hopes that they will go away.

Thinking of you dear Rosiero. Here as always.

rosiescribble said...

I agree with the first commenter and everyone else who is saying you must get help. As has already been said, there will be little available at the weekend but first thing Minday morning you may have had a chance to think about what YOU want and what you are able to cope with. Thinking of you, as I think we all are. Hugs.

dulwich divorcee said...

So sorry to read this, Rosiero! I know you must be at the end of your tether. I would be strongly tempted just to call an ambulance and bundle him into it .....