30 September 2009

Death and Life

What a busy 24 hours I've had. Yesterday I rushed down to Brighton for my friend's husband's funeral and arrived by train to discover hoards of policeman and sniffer dogs wandering around the concourse. I pondered whether they were diet police and knew I had two chocolate bars about my person, but then the taxi driver on the way to the church told me that Gordon was giving his speech within the hour and it was extra security laid on for his arrival. The funeral was the nicest I have ever been to (if you can say such a thing). There were at least a hundred and fifty people there, some having travelled for the day from as far afield as Paris and Geneva. There was a traditional service bit, a break while the immediate family departed for the crematorium for the committal) then a two-hour celebration of his life with speeches from those involved in all aspects of his life. It was very moving. It was good to see my two best friends, one being the widow, though sadly we did not have much time for a chat.

This morning I was back at the hospital, where I seem to be spending most of my time this week, to meet the social worker who sold me down the river last year. She has been brought in to discuss Greg's latest condition and what help/back-up Social Services can provide. I have told her I cannot cope any more, am at the end of my tether and really need either back-up from support workers at home, if I decide to stay and care for him, or a cast of a thousand to care for him if I decide to leave. She is looking into this for me. Don't hold your breath. Meanwhile Greg is demanding to be sent home NOW, even though he can barely walk across the room and is shaking like a jelly from withdrawal. At least he is on medication to get him off the alcohol (again), though he asked me to smuggle some in for him yesterday. My answer was unprintable.

21 comments:

Gin said...

You have a lot on your plate my friend. Don't forget to take some time out to care for YOU! Sending you love and good wishes!

aims said...

Did you tell that woman 'I told you so!'

Wonder how long he's going to stay in there this time?

Good luck girl. Here on the other end of an email - always.

Ellen said...

So glad the funeral went as well as it did - he must have been a remarkable man, but still such a sad occasion.
Do hold FIRM with the Social Services and Greg, something must be sorted out for him now. Your life has sounded intolderable recently. Dx

Eliza said...

Bloody hell, I read the post about the social worker meeting. Stick to your guns, make sure you get the support you need if you stay. If you leave, all the best, I don't blame you. (((((hugs)))))

Millennium Housewife said...

I knew that social worker would rear her head again. I agree, stand FIRM and if you can't tell her I'm coming to speak to her. I will you know. x

icecold said...

That's it Rosiero, stand your ground! You are entitled to help and you need to grasp this opportunity with both hands (and keep clinging!)

I am glad that you have had the opportunity for a break from Greg and that your friends funeral was a positive day.

With love xmairclan@supanet.com

Robert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robert said...

First - There's no reason why a funeral can't be enjoyable. I come from a rural Irish background where pre and post funeral partying (with the corpse present, of course) was de rigeur. As a result, death wasn't this big scary thing that it's become in our "cizilised" society...

Second - you are (or sbould be) classed "a carer". As such, you have the right to have YOUR needs assessed, and then you should have whatever help you need provided. E.g. if you continue to care for Greg, you can access respiute care. Your/Greg's social worker will tell you how to go about this. If you don't ask, you won't get!

Rebel Mother said...

Hi Rosiero - just caught up with your last few posts. What a crappy time!

So sorry about your friends hubby, but it was nice that the funeral was a good send off.

I'm with Millenium Housewife with regards to the SW. They'll keep putting on you so as not to use up their resources! Stand your ground and fight back. You need help with him - you cant do it on your own. Its too much to ask of anyone. They will do it if you kick up enough fuss.

Thinking of you. RMxx

Arhonda Bend said...

I found your blog a while back and I'm full of admiration at your strength. Don't know what else to say but I hope things get better for you.

Hospital Lab Tech said...

Maybe you should give them some extracts of your blog that show the absolute horror and despair you have been living in - especially the recent incontinence / verbal abuse etc.

I have great admiration for you - I cannot possibly imagine what I'd be doing in your situation.

Kind regards xx

DogLover said...

Well done, standing firm with the social worker! But I don't quite understand. Why should YOU leave your home? If you won't be able to cope with Greg at home, shouldn't he go into a nursing home?

If, for some reason, he does come home, I assume you will no longer be buying him alcohol (because there won't be any fear of his killing people by driving the car if he can't even stand properly). Should he be warned about this well before he leaves hospital? Aren't his drinking days over now?

rosiero said...

Doglover - Greg absolutely refuses to leave home, so the only way I could escape the misery would be to leave myself. As it is,my mother 60 miles away needs a lot of care too now (she is crippled with arthritis and housebound), so I would prefer to move in with her. At least she has not contributed to her disability.

I doubt Greg's drinking days are over. Physiotherapists are getting him walking again, as a lot of the problem was that he had lost the muscle-tone in his legs because he uses them so rarely these days, except to stagger from his chair to the toilet (and even that was a struggle). Once home again, he will no doubt drive out for his whisky and then eventually get to that stage again where he is so alcohol-dependent and clinically needs that alcohol.

Nota Bene said...

Always think that funerals should be a celebration of a life well lived. Glad this was.

You have remarkable strength in adversity..I hope the social services provide the support you are owed and deserve.

PMFAddictionTreatmentCenter said...

I've been following your blog for a bit and my heart goes out to you. I read some of the comments and the main thread there is to find time to take care of you. It seems you are to some degree, but you need to do more.
I will stay tuned

Maggie May said...

Oh my Goodness. You have a problem.
I have seen your name on lots of blogs but have just decided to pop over.
Sorry you have such a hard time of it.

Linda - Gold Coast said...

Thinking of you Rosiero {{{hugs}}} It sounds as though Greg may be returning home soon. I truly hope the Social Services give you the support and help that you so need with taking care of Greg but sadly I doubt it. Stay strong and above all make sure you take good care of yourself. Linda xoxo

Retiredandcrazy said...

OK Rosiero, you can take charge of this. You have the power. Make a decision and stick to it otherwise you will be weakening your position.

You need to know you rights both as a carer and wife. Citizen's Advice? It will probably take ages to get an appointment but you should consider making one anyway. Legal advice? Can you still get the 1st hour free on Legal Aid?

Take the first step and in the meantime refuse to get involved in the game of buying Greg's drink. If he does recover the use of his legs, comes home and threatens to drive the car call his bluff, tell him you will call the police and if he still insists on driving carry it through. Tough love.

Take care of yourself my darling. Kay needs to know that you are going to sort yourself out. We are all routing for you. You are a strong, intelligent woman. You can do it.

tim1leg said...

Just wanted to give you a hug x

rosiescribble said...

Gosh, what an absolutely dreadful time you are having. I read your last few posts. All sounds dreadful. Hope Kay is feeling more settled at university. Sounds like she has a sensible head on your shoulders. Hoping things improve Look after YOU. Hugs.

Almost American said...

Stand firm. Make it clear you DO have somewhere else to go if they send him home without providing daily in-home support for you!
Let us know how it goes! There are a lot of us out here who've never met you who care a lot how things work out for you and Greg!