01 September 2009

Burning issue

Because of the heavy alcohol dependency combined with the diabetes, Greg spends a lot of his time nodding off to sleep at various times of the day. I will often come into our kitchen/diner, where he sits all day watching TV, and find him fast asleep on a dining chair with his chin on his chest. If I leave him like this, he complains, once he wakes up, that I should not have left him like that and that I should always attempt to wake him, as otherwise he will not sleep at night. As it is, he does not go to bed much before 2 am. The trouble is, if I DO wake him, he is always irritable and shouts at me. If it is much later in the day, he also talks a lot of gobbledegook.

The other day, when I found him asleep in front of the TV, I tried to wake him and he started talking about daughters in the fridge. I asked him to explain that again and he got very annoyed, as if I should have understood the first time round. He was slurring his words, then said that he meant *details* in the fridge. What? He explained again, only more annoyed this time...the details of addresses in mobile phones should be defrosted and put in the fridge. What???? He was really shouting at me by now that I was failing to listen properly and understand him. I gave up at that point and said I was going to bed. But my heart was in my boots. I am always afraid when he is in that mental state that he might fall asleep with a cigarette still alight. It does not fill me with confidence when I turn off my bedside lamp and try to sleep.

22 comments:

June said...

I'm quite sure that wherever Greg's mind was at that time, it was not in his head.

And you have not left him...why?

Gin said...

Anytime I find my husband sleeping like that I leave him. They chose to drink then they can get themselves up from wherever they happen to land. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I know how it feels.

aims said...

It won't be long now before Kay is off to uni for good and you choose your own path.

Is there anywhere you can get help to overcome the guilt you feel? (listen to me huh?)

It's his choice - not yours. His choices have in fact left you wide open to make your own. Not like a functioning marriage where you do it together.

You know what I am saying my friend.

I did note and applauded June's comment.

Elaine said...

You should record him and play it back when he's sober. Not that it would make any difference, but still.

I don't know how you deal with it...and why you are still there. You have a life to live...you can't save him sweetie, he can only do that himself. x

Nota Bene said...

What a hard place to be. I hope you find the way forward that's best for you.

sarah-and-indy said...

This sounds horribly familiar. You can't influence his behaviour or his choices, only the way you react to him and the drinking. Your husband is still in there somewhere but for now you have to take care of yourself. X

Rebel Mother said...

Oh dear! I usually try to figure out the disconnected sentences and pretend I do understand, just to keep the peace. Although that doesnt work when it is a question, because you cant make head nor tail of it!!!

Fire hazards are a problem. We had curtains, pans, cookers, sofas, all go up in flames. Flipping stunk it did afterwards. Keep a water syphon handy i think.

RMxx

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

My sister was married to an alcoholic and she too spent her life on tenterhooks, waiting for the next 'incident' as she called them. She couldn't explain why she hadn't left earlier than she did - even when he fell down the stairs (no bannistairs as he had taken them down and never got round to putting them back..)and she could've left him to choke on his own vomit - she dragged him back up the stairs, cleaned him up and put him into bed. Love I suppose, until she realised that the man she loved was gone, and all that was left was a pale shadow. She left him and built herself a new life miles away. Be strong and do what is right for you and Kay at the time it's right. Mxx

Debwar said...

1. Tell him he was still awake when you went to bed. Would he know any different?

2. Why do you bother arguing with him? You could just walk out the door and keep going, he's not going to be able to follow you.

3. Get smoke alarms installed.

I know, easier said than done.

Paula said...

I very much agree with Gin. Tehy can drink, they can clean up after themselves and even more so watch out for themselves. If they cant, it is their problem, not mine. I have stopped long ago to be submissve, to obey and enable. NO WAY. Full stop. Keep you in my thoughts. Paula

DogLover said...

I can't agree with Aims' final sentence about June's comment.

It's Rosiero's choice and we shouldn't try to make it for her.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Can the social services help? The mental health people?

Nechtan said...

Hi Rosiero,

Its a difficult situation as it would appear Greg is never in a state for discussion. Under the influence there is no chance of reason In between waking and the first few drinks no doubt he will be on the defence and although doing a good job of hiding it there is probably shame behind that. I feel for you as I cannot see a way for you to get your feelings across the longer this goes on. I just hope by whatever means things change for you as you deserve better than this.

All the best

Nechtan

laurie said...

im with nechtan. you need to do things in your own time. i hope your own time comes soon, dear.

Millennium Housewife said...

Rosiero, these comments must be so hard to read, but perhaps might give everyone an insight into the no man's land you find yourself in. Of course you don't want this to be the life you lead, but to find the one you do want must happen in your own time. All of our opinions are just that, other people's opinions, we can be there for you but we can't know your life. Take strength in the amount of people walking your journey with you, and do everything in your own time. Thinking of you, MH xxxxxx

June said...

Just so you know my qualifications: my mother was an alcoholic until she died; my husband's father was an alcoholic until he died; my husband lived with an alcoholic wife until he left her.

Then I went to AA and got sober.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I would be worrying, I'm worried for you. I imagine it's like having a child in the house.

Take care and think about what June has asked.

CJ xx

Ellen said...

Hi Roseiro, I'M just back from hols, but before going hid passports, valuables, my son's recent GCSE results under the floorboards, just in case the house went up whilst we were away - but it didn't. I went to my first AlAnon meeting (thanks to you) recently and came away with the word 'detachment', which I am sure you are very familiar with. Whilst you are in a situation where you feel unsafe do make sure that you have plenty of smoke alarms with working batteries. You are in my thoughts. Dx
ps As Millennium Housewife said, don't rush or feel pressurized to act hastily, you will work things out in your own time.

Addiction said...

If you need help you can contact Narconon Arrowhead. It is a long term program with a 76% success rate. They will help you in any way you need.

rosiescribble said...

That really is frightening. I applaud June's comment too but I'm not in a position to comment really, and these things are always more complicated than people realise. Thinking of you.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I have no experience of living with alcoholism Rosiero and I feel so much sympathy for you. I don't know how I would cope or what decisions I would make for myself in your circumstances. Your choices are hard but do try to put yourself first, especially once Kay goes to university. Live your life, it's not a rehearsal! A x

rosiero said...

Thank you all for your sympathetic comments. I am making some tough decisions right now and will execute them shortly. My main priority at the moment is seeing Kay off to university. After that, I shall have more time for me and my plans.