17 January 2009

Merry-go-round

Last night, to my absolute horror, Kay came up to me in tears as I was reading blogs on the computer and told me that Greg has started drinking again. She had seen him go out the front door, fetch a bottle from the car and heard him back in the kitchen again pouring something out. When I challenged him about it, he denied it, then I pulled a small bottle of whisky from his jacket pocket. I hit him with the bottle and tossed the contents down the sink. I could have murdered him there and then. Kay was in tears. I was in tears and all he could do was justify it, find reasons. Not a word of sorry passed his lips. He was just experimenting, he said, to see if he could still have the occasional sip, particularly if friends come round with drinks. (An old friend of his is visiting next weekend, whom Greg has not seen in nearly 30 years). I know we have all been expecting this in the back of our minds, but I was nevertheless choked, as I had hoped this time, he could lay off the stuff and had managed so well since September. For now I am speechless and cannot say any more. Kay is in the middle of early A-level exams this week, so I am trying to control my true feelings until the exams are over for her. Then I shall let rip at him. Suffice to say I can barely look at him or speak to him at the moment, I am so angry, so disgusted and so very disappointed.

31 comments:

MsCatCalls said...

So sorry for you both ... having been there myself , married with someone with this problem , I had thought Greg had cracked it .
Im so sorry . There's nothing more to say at this stage is there . Decisions .....

Flowerpot said...

Oh Rosiero I know just how you feel. Have yhou got anyone you can talk to - you need to unload this stuff to keep sane. Hugs and thoughts to you all.

DogLover said...

So sorry, Rosiero.

The people who can help you now are the ones who have had the same problems with a drinking husband/wife/friend. Do keep going to your Al-Anon meetings.

Those who have not had such experience will try to comfort you, but their advice, given with the best of motives, may not in fact be right for you and Greg.

In my book, "letting rip" at him will not achieve anything. It will increase his already intense feelings of guilt and, while it may give you some momentary satisfaction, you will probably regret it in the long run.

Alcoholism is a serious illness.

Woody Jr said...

Give him a bottom to remember. Kick him out on the street. My wife did and it made me realize what meant the most to me.

Wendy said...

God I'm so sorry :-(

No advice from me, except remember to take care of yourself too.

aims said...

Oh dear heart. Know that my thoughts are with you.

Wish that you had wallopped him such a good one with the bottle that you had knocked him out. Then you could have dragged him out the front door and locked it after him.

You know I'm thinking of you. Do what you must for you and Kay. You don't have to do any more for him. You don't.

Here if you need me.

Ellen said...

So sorry to hear that Rosie. I hope that the shock of your reaction will make Greg realise that he can't behave the 'old' way any more. You sound to me like you have changed and I hope that Greg knows that too. I admire you for keeping calm for Kay during her A levels. Good luck to her. I hope this storm passes you by. Dx

KatduGers said...

Hi Rosiero, I really hope that this was just a blip and that Greg realises all that he is risking, and sticks to the way he has been for the past few weeks.

I know you are keeping strong for yourself and Kay - I hope you can manage to take some time out just for you.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I am sorry to hear that Rosiero. Good idea to stay silent for Kay's sake and it may give Greg time to think about what he has actually done to you both. Keep strong. A x

Elaine said...

God, I am so sorry.
I don't know what else to say. x

Retiredandcrazy said...

DogLover is right Rosiero alcoholism is a serious condition and no-one understands what you are going through unless they have been there themselves. Use your Al-Anon meetings to vent your anger and regroup.

Remember the 3C's. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it. You are lliving with a sick man, you make sure that you don't get sick too. Sick with grief, sick with worry and sick with trying to sort things out.

You are the adult here, be strong, stay calm and look after yourself and Kay. Don't join in the alcohol madness.

Kit Courteney said...

Oh, fuck.

Sorry, that's all I can think of to say.

Stinking Billy said...

rosiero, it's like everybody says, a dog is for life (not just Christmas). So sorry for you, sweetheart. x

Mommy said...

Man! That sucks! I know that it has been in the back of your mind whether or not he would pick it up again...now you know. From the sound of things he's not being rational at all. Alcoholics know that they can't have a drink with friends. It doesn't work that way and if he's been to any meetings at all that has been pounded into his head. I hope that things don't escalate and that he has found out what it will do to his family if he tries to sneak and do this. Good thing that you are staying focused on your daughter and her exams now. She doesn't need to be distracted from her school tasks. Keeping you all in my prayers...

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I'm sure this is dreadful for you. I so admire you holding your feelings in till Kay has done the exams. You deserve a gold medal.

Best wishes to Kay for the exam.

CJ xx

Tami said...

So sorry. Know that you are not alone. I left my husband the day after Thanksgiving. I've struggled with his alcoholism for years. And though I don't want a divorce. And I still love him. I just could not live like that anymore. So it was/is really tough, to leave and to stay gone....to not take care of him. To live with the financial down fall. All of it...it sucks...I get it. And when he says he's not drinking .... but you know he is. Awful.

Millennium Housewife said...

Rosiero, again, I'm so sorry, best wishes to Kay in her exams, and hanging in there with you MH x

grandmamargie said...

I am so sorry. I would have thought Greg reached his "bottom" already. A lot of alcoholics want to see if they can take "just one drink" and sometimes the first time they can. But then they get self-confidence and subsequently, they find themselves worse than they were before. One is too many and 100 is not enough. I am so sorry for you and Kay. I praying that he will leve it be.

Coachdad said...

Wow...having come from a childhood with an alcoholic mother, I feel your pain. My dad eventually gave up and left her on a day that I had grabbed a glass of coke from the fridge and took a drink. Needless to say, it was rum and coke and I was feeling pretting good for a fifth grader. We left her that night. Best of luck to you.

Robert said...

Just had to let you know how upset I am for you. Wish I could help...

Nota Bene said...

Oh no.

That's so upsetting; I really feel for you and Kay.

Wish I could say something constructive and help.

Keep strong...we're all thinking of you both

cologneblog said...

Oh dear, Rosiero, I don't want to believe that. I somehow hope that it will turn out as an error or something. It would be terrible if it all started again.

Gill - That British Woman said...

I am so sorry, I too thought he had cracked it........so what's next?

Gill in Canada

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Sorry, too, Rosiero, but not surprised ... and I suspect neither are you. Something in your tone when he came out of hospital told me you were losing the need to nurture him. As long as looking after him did something for you, there was a reason to hang in there. If he had really meant to kick it, he would have been able to face his friend like a man, and if the friend was a real man he would have understood and supported him.

He's a deeply sad and insecure man deep down, he needs alcohol to feel normal. But that's never going to change. You either learn to live with it and let him drag you down too, or you save yourself and Kay. I took that decision three years and four months ago and the only thing I regret was not doing it earlier.

What does President Obama say? YES WE CAN!!

nuttycow said...

Oh R - I am sorry.

The problem, as others have said, is its a long haul thing - it's not going to be cured. There'll always be that temptation of "just one sip". G has to come to the realisation that "just one sip" isn't ever going to happen.

Try and stay strong. Use Al-Anon. Use the blog. Use us, random people out there in blogland.

Thinking of you and Kay - best of luck for her exam.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Oh Rosiero...what a setback....

I guess he isn't ready then, if he's trying to experiment...Does he go to meetings...?

Crikey what does it take...l know eveeryone different, but if that wasn't his rock bottom, what the heck is...

I'm horrified for you of course....it isnt my place to say more...you know where l am

FFF

DogLover said...

If anyone wants to learn about alcoholism, one man's fight against it and the effect it has on his family, there's a programme on UK TV on Monday, 26th January.

It will be on ITV1 (both London and Carlton West Country) at 8pm. It is the story of the former TV presenter, Ed Mitchell, who drank himself out of a job and ended up on a bench on Brighton seafront without friends or family.

He eventually got to rehab and is now sober. But there's a long road for his wife and two children to travel before they regain their trust in him.

blogthatmama said...

Hi Rosiero

That's awful for Kay and you and I really hope it's been a blip. Hope Kay's exams went well.

Fern said...

Oh Rosiero. I have just caught up with this, I am so very sorry and disapppointed for you. I was expecting it when he came out of hospital but had begun to believe he could really kick the booze. I suppose through you I am learning what it really means to live with an alcoholic, a seemingly never ending roller coaster ride!!

DulwichDivorcee said...

So sorry to hear this, Rosiero xxx

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Take good care of yourselves, Rosiero and Kay. Grossen Umarmungen :) Hxx